"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As shirtless as possible
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
