Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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