I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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