Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
