He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
