Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
