Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This house was built for laser tag.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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