I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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