you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
