mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
