did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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