"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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