i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize