This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize