I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
