it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
