I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
