I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
