My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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