Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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