So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
