Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
