took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
