my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
