I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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