Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
