dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
