Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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