We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
