guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
