First date: that requires underwear, huh?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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