these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
