Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
