I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
