Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
