Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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