Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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