So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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