Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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