Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
