I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The air was thick with penises
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
