I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
