he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
