I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize