when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
