So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
