remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
