I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
