we have pet lesbian snakes
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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