I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
