i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
