I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
