There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
