If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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