all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
