this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
