Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
