Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
