Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
