What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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