Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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