I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
