i already hear my dad disowning me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
