this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
