...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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