i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
